Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dear Self,

Let me first begin this letter by telling you how proud I am of you.  You have come so far in the last three years since you hit rock bottom.  You have learned how to be strong.  You have learned how to take responsibility for yourself and your actions and to stop playing the victim.  You've taken control of your life rather than letting life happen to you.

Your family is blossoming.  Your children are beautiful, happy and healthy.  Your husband is happy.  You have a burgeoning career.  There is only one part of your life that you are not in control of yet-your weight.

Don't get me wrong, you've taken big steps to getting healthy-you're moving, walking, even running sometimes! so much more often.  You've given up your beloved Starbucks, the cigs, the drugs.  But, my friend, you still sabotage yourself.  You trick yourself into thinking that you don't self medicate anymore, but you still do.  Whenever the slightest thing goes wrong, into the pantry you go.  Jogging a 5k does not make up for the late night binge you indulged in to distract yourself from the fact that Husband was out of town and you were alone.  Running to McDonalds does not make the fact that someone you love called you a fatass any better-if anything, it makes it worse.  And true.

For so long food was the only thing you could count on in your life.  The only thing that would be there day in, day out.  The only thing that would never abandon you, that would always comfort you no matter what.  The only coping mechanism you had for the life you seemed so ill-prepared for.  Things have changed, however, but your brain hasn't caught up.  You have people you can count on, you are prepared for your life.  You don't need this crutch anymore.

Self, you have shown so much willpower in so many aspects of your life.  I KNOW you can do this.  It seems like an insurmountable task right now-I mean, I'm not exactly sure how one undoes 28 years of behavior, but I know you have to do it.  Your husband deserves it.  Your kids deserve it.  And most of all, YOU deserve it.  Allow yourself to feel.  Allow yourself to be mad.  Allow yourself to be sad.  Don't shove your feelings down with food.  Most importantly, allow yourself to live.

Love, Me.

*****************



This post was inspired by the Lovely Mama Kat and her world famous Writer's Workshop
Prompt #4-Write a letter to whatever is stopping you from losing the extra weight you’d like to lose.

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