I am the least domestic housewife I know. I feel like a total fraud when I'm filling out paperwork and the only available option to describe what I do is "homemaker." Pppp-shaw. Just to clear things up, I stay at home for the kids, not for the household stuff. And because my husband works 437 hours a week and if I worked too my poor children would feel like orphans. And, you know, I kind of don't know what I want to do when I grow up, which kind of sucks, since sometime during the last 28 years I managed to end up a grown up. Damn.
Anyhoo, I figured I'd take a crack at it Wednesday night. I do cook at home most nights, but my repertoire usually runs the gamut of "things that come out of a box" to "things that I throw in a crock pot and let cook for four hours." I had a couple reasons for giving it a whirl...A-Hubby is leaving for his birthday weekend in Denver tomorrow. I figured a killer dinner might be a good idea, so when he's got some skinny blonde stripper with big tits asking him to go "in the back" with her, he'll be thinking, "well, I could, but damn, does Kisha make some bomb mashed potatoes." I'm not above bribery. And B-my buddies over at Girl Talk Thursday offered up this prompt for today: "$10 and dinner needs to get on the table-what do you make?" Obviously my first answer was, 9 items off the dollar menu at Mickey D's and the leftover buck to pay for tax. But that's not in the spirit of the game, so whatevs, I'll play along.
While we're playing by the rules, it's been stated that staples-oils, spices, the normal stuff you always have in the house-do not count towards the total. Which is cool, but seriously, while I was cooking, I was doing the math in my head-this portion of olive oil cost me approximately 11 cents....ha. I'm nothing if not thorough. Speaking of thorough, I even took pictures of my escapade in the kitchen. Me with the first ingredient of the evening....
Red Wine. Essential.
I decided to take a recipe out of my mother in law's (RIP Grandma Beth) book of tricks. This woman was amazing, seriously. She has some of the most family friendly yet creative and budget happy recipes ever. Not to go off track, but when she was diagnosed with cancer, she took the time to hand write all of her recipes out into a book for Mr. Floren. I still get choked up every time I open it. Anyhow, back to cooking. Tonight, I will be decimating attempting:
German Meatballs
The Recipe (the prices I paid are listed with each item, mind you, I'm a budding couponista, so I got REALLY good deals)
1 lb. ground beef-$1.88
1 lb. ground pork-$0.99
1/4 cup chopped onion-(1/4 of a large onion-we'll say one onion is $0.40)
1 egg (I paid $1 for 18, so we'll say 6 cents)
1/2 cup bread crumbs (1/8 of the package I paid $1.49 for, so we'll round to 20 cents)
1 1/2 cups cream (I bought 2 cups, we'll use the other 1/2 c. for the mashed potatoes, $1.49)
1 tsp. salt (freebie)
1/4 tsp. pepper (freebie)
1/2 tsp. allspice (like I have that laying around. but, freebie)
1/4 tsp. nutmeg (freebie)
1/4 cup flour (freebie)
1/4 cup oil (freebie)
1 T. brown sugar (freebie)
side: mashed potatoes
5 lbs. potatoes (50 cents!)
the remaining 1/2 cup of cream
2 Tbsp. butter (freebie)
1 Tbsp. garlic powder (freebie)
1 Tbsp. sour cream (I wasn't sure if this is a freebie or not, but we'll say 25 cents to be fair)
1 package of pork gravy-50 cents
Loaf of italian bread, buttered and broiled-$1.49
Steamed broccoli-$0.69/lb
Chunked pineapple-$0.79
Grand total: $9.24!!!!
Not only was this supremely affordable, it turned out delicious and even an idiot a Kisha can do it. First, you combine the ground beef, ground pork, and onion in a large bowl. Beat the egg and combine into mixture. Add bread crumbs, half (3/4 cup) of the cream, salt, pepper, allspice, nutmeg, and brown sugar. I know that eventually you're going to have to get your hands dirty rolling the meatballs, but eff that. I stayed clean as long as possible.
Shape into 1-1/4" balls. Heh, they said balls. Made out of meat. Roll in flour, which is a good thing. As I was, "shaping the balls, aka, rolling balls in my hand, aka, I should stop the entendres now before you stop reading," they felt flimsy and falling apart in my hand. Once I rolled them in the flour, they firmed right up. Last one-heh, firm balls.
In a large frying pan, warm oil. Brown meatballs on all sides. I did about five minutes each on three sides, worked well. One note from Grandma Beth-don't crowd the pan, it's better to do multiple batches than shove them all in, and she's right. I split my balls into two batches in my ginormous Ikea pan and it was perfect. Once I had cooked both batches separately, I put them back in the pan together to create the sauce.
All my balls. Greasy.
To create sauce, leave remaining oil in pan. Pour the other half of the cream directly into pan. This was not in Grandma Beth's recipe, but I threw in a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream for some pizazz. Also some salt and pepper. Roll balls around in the cream (heh) then simmer for 10-15 minutes with a lid on.
This can be served many ways. Grandma Beth recommended rice, the girls loved it with egg noodles, and Mr. Floren and I opted for mashed potatoes with ours. My mashed potatoes, people, are to die for. Melt in your mouth amazingness. You would marry me too once you tasted these bad boys.
Kisha's Orgasmic Fantastical Mashed Potatoes
5 lbs. russet potatoes, peeled, and sliced into large chunks
Boil these on high for about 20-30 minutes, until you can stir them with a wooden spoon and they are falling apart. Then, the key to lump free potatoes-mash them before you add anything. I actually take the hand mixer to them and blend them about halfway first, then add the following ingredients. These are approximates, because I am not a recipe kind of girl...I just throw shit in and hope for the best.
the remaining 1/2 cup of cream
2 Tbsp. butter
1 Tbsp. garlic powder
1 Tbsp. sour cream
Serve while hot. You can thank me for the full tummy and orgasms later.
I also made a package of run of the mill pork gravy for a little extra oomph. I mixed my meatballs and potatoes together so I didn't use it, but my picky husband doesn't like to mix his foods so he appreciated the side. The final product, on Mr. Floren's plate:
Voila! There is hope for me yet! Worst case, I had an ad for Little Caesars on hand....$5 large pepperoni pizzas, yo. You can't go wrong.
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