Red Carpet Winners and Sinners: Grammy Awards Edition

You may not know this, but I am a fashion guru.  Here in my house in the burbs, I am visited by many well known designers, bringing samples of their creations for me to consult on.  Young starlets and seasoned A-listers alike call me up for my advice on their red carpets looks....in my wildest dreams, anyhow.

So, what better way to put my armchair stylist skills to work than to critique looks from the latest awards shows?  I could do something productive like organize my closet or purge all the old maternity gear from my wardrobe, but that doesn't sound nearly as fun, now does it?  Instead, here are my picks for winners and sinners from Sunday night's Grammy Awards:

Aaron Carter

It's my good buddy MethFace!  Looking, well, very methy.  In the face.  Not to mention, is also a total sinner with this look.  Jeans=never okay for the red carpet.  Unless it's like, the VMA's or the Kids Choice Awards, and they are the best jeans ever.  Not these ugly Affliction wannabes.  Sinner!!

Beyonce

I will try my best not to be biased, but here's a disclaimer: I HATE Beyonce.  I do listen to her music, but I hate her as a person.  Granted, it's not like I actually know her or anything, but every story/blind item/tidbit of info not put out by her publicist is that she is a major league C-U-Next-Tuesday.  That being said, I still hate her dress.  It shows off her curves, yes, but I have a serious problem with the zipper down the front and the geometrical design that is supposed to be eye candy but is instead looking like my parents' couch from 1986. Sinner.

Dave Matthews Band

Winners.  Just because they're DMB.  Favoritism aside, I LOVE Dave and his charcoal shirt under black vest, am totally digging Rashawn's silver tie and black on black shirt and jacket, and Boyd can wear jeans because he's Boyd and not MethFace.  Yes, I'm not fair.  It's my blog, I don't have to be.  So there.

Carrie Underwood

Again, biased here because of the bitch factor.  But I begrudgingly have to determine that Miss Underwood here is a winner.  Her hair is gorgeous, and the dress is 95% great-get rid of that weird strappy thing over her left shoulder and it would be perfect.  I like that she was able to wear white without looking washed out or over-tanned and orange.  Now if she could just work on her attitude.

Pink and Carey Hart

Two stars for the price of one here-and they're both Winners!  Yay!  I love how Pink went with a classic look here, but with a definite twist.  The texture and colorfade totally add some much needed interest to a classic and could be boring silhouette.  And Carey Hart-wow.  Hottie.  He's gorgeous anyway, but good call on a perfectly coordinated suit.  And did you see their interview on the red carpet?  SO sweet.  

Katy Perry

Sinner, and not only because she's fornicating with the biggest man whore in the world all over the world.  When you rock the black hair/porcelain skin look (like I do), you just can't wear the color of her dress.  It washes you out.  And the lack of structure makes her look frumpy and chubby-of which she is neither.  I expected so much more from you, Katy.

Lea Michele

I'm guessing my desire to make out with Lea here would indicate that she is a big time winner.  Not to mention a complete class act-she was set to wear a different dress, a white one, but at the last minute realized it was totally see through and changed.  Not only can I not believe that this gorgeous frock was her second choice, in today's era of flashing your lady bits for a move up the famous scale, I love that she chose the high road.  And this dress-her waist looks microscopic, her legs are to die for, and those heels-I could probably be persuaded to trade my firstborn for those heels.  Standing ovation!


Lady Gaga

You guys are going to think I'm totally bonkers, but I'm calling her a winner!  Compared to her usual, I actually like this.  It's chic insanity.  And as my three year old said when she saw her walk the red carpet- "It's Princess Aurora!"  Um, yeah, if Maleficent was handing out LSD.  But still, it's a dress, there's no blood involved, and I like sparkly things.

The Sea of Mediocrity....all the people that were not enough to be called a winner or a sinner:

J. Hud-I give her props for the outstanding use of Spanx, but what looks like a business suit?  To the Grammys?  

Heidi and Seal-I guess I'm just so used to her being knock me over gorgeous that I am not inspired by this ensemble.  I'm glad she is proving she's human by hanging on to like, two extra pounds of baby weight, though.

Rihanna-In my opinion, you either need to go over the top crazy or classically beautiful, not try and combine the two.  

Taylor Swift-she's gorgeous, and the dress is pretty enough, but way too tight-it's neither tight enough nor pretty enough to make me pick a side, though.

Fergie-Love the bright blue on her, and her body is unbelievable, but that weird gold lame' snake keeps me from calling her a winner.

Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli-I'm so meh about their outfits that I'm not prepared to call them winners or sinners-but more importantly, is Kelly Taylor with child?  She's usually rail thin and I've been knocked up enough to know the difference between baby belly and "I drank too much beer and ate too many cheetos" belly.

And just for my JW-

Adam Lambert-Love the makeup and hair, hate the Johnny Cash inspired tie.

Green Day.  Because they just have to show up to be awesome.

Ok, friends, what do you think? Do you agree with my choices or think I am totally crazy? Tell me who your winners and sinners are in the comments and we shall discuss!!!!

***All images via Crazy Days and Nights!