.....then I'd totally have a chance at getting up on a podium. Same goes for klutzery, spending money, and running my car into random objects. But the one skill I possess that is truly gold medal worthy? That I am talented at above all others, even sarcasm? No, it's not being a sexy biotch, but I understand why you would think that. It is the art form of the double entendre.
The definition of double entendre, via Wikipedia (Wikipedia is not okay to cite if you are a serious journalist. However, I am not, so I think it is just fine in this circumstance):
A double entendre is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Often the first meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so: often risqué, inappropriate, or ironic.
I am an expert, a world class athlete in the risque second meaning part. Call me a pervert, a hussy, a genius, but I can turn any innocent comment into something dir-tay. This is why I'm so fun at parties, ha. For example? My poor, unwitting husband decided the shower needed caulking. I mean, really. How could he possibly assume this would end well?
Mr. Floren: "I'm running to Lowe's. I'm not pleased with the caulking in the master shower, so I'm going to pull it out, and get some stronger caulk to go in its place."
Me: (barely able to restrain myself from laughing out loud) "How can you not be pleased with caulking in the shower? That's one of my favorite places to be caulked. Pulling out is always a good idea, though. But if you're going to get some stronger caulk, I'm down with that!"
Mr. Floren: (rolls his eyes) "Mature, Kish. The caulk in there is white and it's starting to flake and mold in some spots, so I found some clear mold free caulk that should do nicely."
Me: "Flaky white moldy caulk does not sound good. But neither does clear caulk. Do they have strong black caulk?"
Mr. Floren: "Oh my lord. Are you 13? Anyway, you might want to shower now, because after I'm done re-caulking it, you won't be able to get it wet for 24 hours."
Me: "I can't get it wet for 24 hours after you caulk it? Whoo, baby, you're not messing around today, are you? You know I like it rough."
Mr. Floren: (exasperated) "I'm done. I'm going now. Do you need anything while I'm out?"
Me: "Nope, if you're bringing home new caulk, I'm all set!"
I guess I should also mention I deserve a gold medal in immaturity, inappropriate hilarity, and awesomeness.
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This post was inspired by the lovely gals over at Girl Talk Thursday. Head over there to check out the rest of this week's posts!!
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