Red Carpet Winners and Sinners: SAG Awards Edition

*Oh yes, kids, I made that graphic all by myself.  Not only am I breathtakingly beautiful, I'm smart too.

You may not know this, but I am a fashion guru.  Here in my house in the burbs, I am visited by many well known designers, bringing samples of their creations for me to consult on.  Young starlets and seasoned A-listers alike call me up for my advice on their red carpets looks....in my wildest dreams, anyhow.

So, what better way to put my armchair stylist skills to work than to critique looks from the latest awards shows?  I could do something productive like organize my closet or purge all the old maternity gear from my wardrobe, but that doesn't sound nearly as fun, now does it?  Instead, here are my picks for winners and sinners from Sunday night's SAG Awards:

Sofia Vergara

Sorry, girlfriend, you are hot with curves I would die to be in possession of, but you are a sinner.  The bright, true red on top, in my opinion, totally clashes with the berry red on the bottom.  The crimson equivalent of mixing navy blue and black (did you hear me, husband?  That is never okay!)  And I don't think I would ever wear a red dress on the red carpet unless it was the most amazing creation of all time...you need to stand out, not blend in!!

Toni Collette

For me, another sinner.  I just don't get this dress at all.  If you're going to go with a ruffled hemline, at least make it a pretty one...this looks like what was underneath my wedding dress, like she spilled on the actual gown in the limo on the way over, so she just ripped off the skirt and is rocking the petticoats from underneath.  Fail.

Meryl Streep

And we have a winner!  Meryl here, the queen of actresses, has a bad habit of aging herself unnecessarily at awards shows by wearing frumpy, matronly dresses that do not suit her at all.  She hit this one out of the park-it is completely age appropriate, has some sass with the teal color and the low cut, but not obscene neckline, and it fits her like a glove.  Well played!

Mariska Hargitay

I've been hemming and hawing over this one, but I think I'm going to deem it a winner.  I applaud Mariska for taking a chance with the color, I just don't know about the pink against the red carpet, and I feel like it looks a little twee on her.  But the cut is gorgeous, her rack looks fab, and overall, she could have done much, much worse.

Miranda Cosgrove

And this, my friends, is why my kids watch iCarly and not Hannah Montana.  Winner!  Miranda here is the epitome of age appropriate and class, following the golden rule of showing off either gams or cleavage.  Not only did she choose a high neckline to balance the short hemline, she even wore nylons to take it down a notch to a good level for a 17 year old.  Some other tween skanks out there (*ahem*Miley*ahem*) should take note.

Patricia Arquette and Thomas Jane

Do I even need to say it?  Sinners.  I guarantee they don't have a stylist, and if they do, they should fire them immediately.  P-Arq is a lovely woman, she just needs to ditch the severely pulled back hair, and go up a size in dress.  It's okay to breathe, Patty, I promise.  And her hubby just looks like a hot drunken mess.  Ew.

Edie Falco

You might be surprised at my answer on this one, but Winner!!!!  If you're going to do a red dress on the red carpet, this is the hue to choose.  I adore the cut on her, it's comfortable and flowing without making her look sloppy or pregnant.  I would definitely change her hair, but her rocking shoulders and lovely decolletage make up for it.

Drew Barrymore

Drew here is one of my favorites, if not THE favorite star in Hollywood.  But this look, my friends, makes her a total sinner.  Does she not tip her hairstylist or something?  Because her hair lately has been looking like "40 year old bottle blonde truck stop waitress" for an awful long time now.  And the dress...don't even get me started on the dress.  It could have been saved by either taking off that ridiculous mid length layer that serves no purpose but to look like a random UFO landed on her thighs, or by removing the longer skirt and making it a mini dress.  Ew, ew, ew....Drew, you can do so much better, honey.  Call me.

Adam Lambert

I'm talking about this guy just for you, JW!  I'm not a huge Adam Lambert fan, but for the SAG awards, he was a winner.  It looks like he got rid of a couple pounds/bloat/whatever he's been carrying around, and is showing it off in a fierce perfectly tailored suit.  (Gentlemen: Never underestimate the power of a perfectly tailored black suit.  It will make you a chick magnet, trust.)  He's still rocking the guyliner, which I am a fan of, and seems to have taken care of his skin issues.  Very good.

And I put this pic up just because it has Scott Bakula in it.  Sam Beckett was my first ever TV crush.  Quantum Leap, FTW!

Ok, friends, what do you think?  Do you agree with my choices or think I am totally crazy?  Tell me who your winners and sinners are in the comments and we shall discuss!!!!

***All images courtesy of Crazy Days and Nights, with my undying gratitude!!!  Love you, Enty!