Ah, the tippy cup. AKA, the bane of my mothering existence so far. They seem like such a good idea at first, all spill-proof, decorated in toddler fan-girl favorites and dishwasher safe, but then the reality sets in. They are annoying, the aforementioned toddler fan-girls become addicted, they easily disappear underneath a couch only to be found full of nasty rotten milk when you go to vacuum a week later. And if you're The Little One, they stay stuck in your mouth 24 hours a day, promising to rot out your beautiful little teeth. I even got to the point where I wouldn't fill her tippy with any liquids, and she was still carrying it around in her mouth all day long. She wouldn't even take it out to talk. ADDICTED.
As with other bad habits I have broken my children (or myself) of in the past, I find cold turkey is the way to go. With some inspiration from my good friend Wendy, I came up with a little idea to banish these deceptively charming little bastards from my house forever.
A few days before Christmas......
(I turn up my bullshit meter as far as it will go.)
Me: "Girls! Come here! Mommy needs to tell you something!"
Girls: (Pitter, patter, crash, smack, finally arrive in the kitchen at my feet.) "What, Mama?"
Me: "I just got an email from Santa."
*Side note: Yes, according to my kids email is the preferred method of communication between Santa and myself. They are acutely aware of my dependence on email and other internetz-type things, so of course Santa and I would be emailing each other. Duh.*
Girls: "What did he say, Mama?"
Me: "He needs your help. There are babies all over the world that are in need of bottles and sippy cups. Their families aren't as fortunate as ours and they aren't able to get their babies a sippy cup for Christmas."
The Curly Haired One: (devastated) "Really, Mama?"
The Little One: (seriously tearing up) "Babies no tippies? So sad, Mama."
Me: (feeling slightly guilty for manipulating my childrens' feelings like this, but very excited it is actually working) "Yes. Some babies don't have any tippies at all. So Santa needs our help."
The Curly Haired One: (trading sadness for excitement) "How can we help, Mama? I want to help babies!"
The Little One: "Me Super Fixer, Mama! Super Fixers to the Wes-cue!"
Me: "Well, Santa has an idea. You could give your tippies to the babies that need them."
Crickets.
The Curly Haired One: "Um, well, Mama...."
The Little One: "My tippy? To babies? But I wuv my tippy!"
Me: (frantically trying to pull more bullshit straight outta you know where) "Yes, your tippies. To babies. This is how it will work. We will leave all of our tippies in a bag under the tree for Santa. When he comes Christmas Eve to bring your presents, he will take your tippies....and leave you brand new fantastic sparkly Princess big girl cups in their place!!!!!"
The Girls: "YAAAAAAAYYYYYY! Big girl princess cups! Wheeeeee!"
The Curly Haired One: "Mama, I want to help all of the babies in Africa!"
Me: "In Africa?"
The Curly Haired One: "Yes, Mama, I saw on TV that babies in Africa are all sick and sad and need food."
Me: "Well, luckily, not all of the babies in Africa are disadvantaged, but some are, yes."
*Side Note: She saw this on TV? She watches Nick Jr., for freak's sake. How did she see this? Has she been sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night to watch Sally Struthers or something?*
The Curly Haired One: "Ok. But I want my tippies to go to the babies in Africa."
The Little One: "Me too, Mama. Babies in Af-a-ca."
Me: "Right on, sisters. I'll email Santa right now and let him know we're on board."
Christmas Eve. The plan goes pretty well. The girls were excited to put their tippies in the special bag I bought, and The Curly Haired One made me promise no less than sixty times that they were going to the babies in Africa, and no other geographical region. The Little One was a little sad, but as she doesn't take the tippy to bed anyhow, she was able to give it up without any huge mess.
Christmas morning, they wake up to a bag full of these:
and one of these:
And not only are they totally broken of the dreaded tippy cup habit, they feel like they helped out a fellow kid, which is awesome. And because their tippies were going nowhere but to the garbage due to the overwhelming amount of teeth marks and falls out of car windows they had been subjected to while in our house, I made a donation to Save the Children in The Curly Haired One and The Little One's name. In one way or another, their sacrifice did help some babies in Africa. :)
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