Mama Kat always delivers the goodness with her Writer's Workshop. Every Wednesday, she posts prompts for bloggers to choose from, with the option to link up on Thursdays to share with the world. This week, she was kind enough to include a prompt that was just made for us here at In Through The Out Door....
1.) Your pet wants to guest post on your blog.
If that's not begging for a Dear Abby post, I don't know what is. So, for your reading enjoyment, here she is....the one, the only, Abby The Tabby.
Hello, bitches! I'm back, by request of the human I own, here to help you with all of your pathetic little problems. You think you've got problems? I live with a stupid woman human who has unexplainably managed to beat natural selection and is actually in charge of an entire household; a man human who seems to just work, fart, and stare at that brightly colored box a lot, and those two loud girl humans who were put on this planet to squeal like little pigs and pull my tail. I'm the one who has problems. But until my plot to take over the world works out, I will use my higher level brain power to help you with your trivial human issues. And how could I resist? The human that came up with this little "blog prompt" is Mama Kat, for Garfield's sake. That's the best blogger name I've ever heard. Word up to my homey. Now onto me fixing your life for you.
Dear Abby, Now that I have two kids I am finding I have very little time for myself. What do you recommend I do to keep from going crazy? -Losing It in Washington
In Response to Losing It in Washington: One thing I notice about humans is that you people really over do it with your devil spawn. We cats are only nursed and babied for 8 weeks, then we are kicked out on our furry little butts to figure out life by ourselves. I understand you neanderthals brainwash your little ones for 18 years? I won't even live that long. So my advice would be, if you would stop coddling them so damn much, you would have a lot more time to nap, or lay in the sun, or chase your own tail. For example-you nurse or bottle feed your baby for a whole year? Like I said earlier, we only do it for 8 weeks...you could even be an overachiever and do it for 12, then throw some dry cereal and milk into those huge pet feeders
you can get at Petco and call it a day. You only have to refill those like, what, once a week? And then those damn crying baby humans can eat when they want, freeing up at least a couple hours a day for yourself. Problem solved. Dear Abby: I got my cat a gift certificate for a trip to the groomer's for Christmas, and she is not pleased. What would be a better gift so she will stop hating me?
In Response to Why Don't You Just Schedule Her An Appointment To Get Declawed While You're At It: You're an idiot. Do your cat a favor and pull your head out. We felines think trips to the groomer are about as fun as y ou humans consider a colonoscopy. Would you like a gift certificate to the gastroenterologist for Christmas? I didn't think so. Moron. My humans actually didn't screw the pooch this year and got me a great gift- a play tent of my very own!! I've heard the woman human whine something about "Stop Abby, you're shredding the tent that Santa just brought for the girls!" but I really don't care enough to figure out what that bullshiz means. This tent is the best gift ever....I can zoom in and out of all of the windows and doors, and if I jump against the walls hard enough I can actually make it roll and knock things over! It's great! You should consider this instead. Imbecile.
And I'm out, bitches...it's New Year's Eve, and I've got an invite to a hot party with lots of catnip and spiked milk! See you on the flip side!
A big round of applause for Abby. And I'm going to beat her if she puts another hole into or knocks over one more cup of coffee with that stupid tent.
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